Marjorie Poff

I have been fighting this post for days. It seems to be so “taboo” in our society to look at Mother’s Day with any sort of emptiness and negative feelings. I have many friends who struggle through Father’s Day each year because of absent or distant fathers, and there is an understanding of how widespread that epidemic is, and a sensitivity on that day. (sidenote: I LOVE the auto correct feature of the Mountain Lion OS…it’s really helping today ) What about those that have the same feelings about Mother’s Day.

For half of my childhood, I was raised by a single dad. It was a choice I made and the distance in my relationship with my mom has grown over the years. The memorable times that so many people have with their moms, stopped, for me, at age nine. Mother’s Day comes around each year and I feel left out of all the merriment and celebration others have, but have never really stopped to think that it’s okay to feel sad and jipped out of seemingly “normal” experiences.

On the other hand, I do have to take time each year to be thankful for the women God has placed in each step of my life to be my mom’s. There have been amazing people along the way that have shown me unconditional love and have shaped me into the person I am today, who cheered me on, and challenged me. I’m thankful for days of shopping, lunches out, and cooking tips taught.

For anyone who may be feeling that silent sadness on this day because you are in a similar situation or because “motherhood” has happened for you yet, I just want to let you know that the biggest lesson all of this has taught me is that moms come in all forms. They can either be created by giving birth or can be moms at heart with the love and care they give to those around them.

A couple weeks ago I was able to attend the YS Unconference. It was a good day of connecting with local youth pastors and to have some time to talk in small group settings. One of the sessions I was a part of talked about fringe students and students that show up a couple times to youth group and then you never see them again. As frustrations were discussed, I asked the group what would happen if we raised up some students in leadership to be on the lookout for those “wallflower” students and make sure they knew there was a place for them in the group. I just got to thinking what outreach and discipleship would look like if we really empowered our students and encouraged them to be leaders. How would our student ministries be transformed if we took the time to challenge our students to step out of their comfort zones?

Rewind many years earlier. (HA!) I was a high school freshman, getting ready for a fun evening outing with my youth group friends. I was looking forward to hanging with my friends for a night. I was also a typical high school girl; wanting to fit in, hang with the older kids and dealing with typical insecurities. I had it set in my mind how the night would look.

Then, I got to the church parking lot and I was introduced to a new girl who had never been around before. I had no desire to reach out to some stranger and be friends. I am a SHY, introverted person. I like my routine and my people. It was totally my intention to blow off this new interaction for the comfort of my friends. Then, my youth pastor pulled another girl and I aside and encouraged us to get to know this new person and make her feel welcome. Relectently, I stepped out of my comfort zone.

That act of seeing beyond myself (as much as I fought it) led me to a friendship that has lasted over 20 years. I can’t imagine the many years of memories I would have missed out on if I had not been encouraged to look beyond myself and if I hadn’t accepted the challenge to do something that wasn’t a part of my character. I am so thankful for a youth pastor that consistently challenged me to grow and become the person I was meant to be.

Comfort zones are meant to be pushed. It is when we push beyond ourselves that the course of life can change. Be on the lookout for those situations that may be uncomfortable but you know are necessary to be a part of.

When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone?

Youth Ministry is one of the most rewarding and challenging things you can do on this planet. Working with students during their teen years is an awesome responsibility. I remember working with my first group of students about fifteen years ago and not having a clue what I was doing…just that I needed to love on them and be the best example of Christ that I could be. (As a college student, this was not always easy) Many times I felt like I was being throw into the deep end and just had to figure things out as I went. Thankfully my first group was SMALL and pretty good kids. I know many youth workers out there that have had to deal with a lot of “in the trenches” issues on top of trying to navigate all the other ins and outs of youth ministry.

Recently I had the privilege of getting a hold of a new book called “Do These Things” by another youth ministry veteran, TImbo. This book is a great resource for anyone working in youth ministry. It is a blow by blow of all the basics you need to truly thrive as a youth worker. A variety of topics are covered from communicating with parents, recruiting and equipping volunteers, effectively reaching and discipling students and developing yourself as a leader. “Do These Things” is a short read and is packed with useful information. If you are looking for a resource to help you navigate and succeed in the world of youth ministry, “Do These Things” is a must read!

You can pick up your copy of this ebook at Student Ministry Central

“Timbo is a communicator, writer, trainer, youth ministry coach, and the founder of Student Ministry Central. He has been teaching and training youth leaders for more than 12 years and is passionate about equipping volunteers for ministry.”

I woke up this morning to a barrage of Facebook statuses and Tweets about some Tornado Warning here in my town in the middle of the night last night. I read about how people were in their safe places and up all hours of the night waiting for the danger to pass. Before I went to bed, I had prepared for this storm…unplugged all my favorite electronics, made sure my phone battery was 100% and turned my sound on so I could hear the weather radio warnings, should they come, and I fell asleep.

Years ago I would have stayed up, or tried to sleep with the TV blasted so I could hear exactly when to run for cover. Something has changed. Maybe its just that I “know the drill” or I have a better understanding that tornados are random. They can take one house and leave the one next to it untouched and there is little anyone can do to prevent that. Maybe my subconscious understands that God is in control, that my stuff is just stuff and if its time for it to be destroyed then so be it.

It got me thinking about the time Jesus and His disciples were in a boat during a big storm and at first the disciples were cool and relaxed, then they got freaked out by the big waves crashing into the boat and didn’t understand how Jesus could sleep through the seeming chaos. After Jesus calms the waves down, he speaks these words that I’m sure hit them square in the eyes. Mark 4:41- “Why were you afraid? Don’t you have any faith?”

Then I realized as calm as I can be now about physical storms, the emotional storms or situational storms in my life I totally still freak out about.

I’m like the disciples asking God all the time, “Do you not care that I’m going to drown? Don’t you see this storm or that storm raging all around me? Don’t you see the wind and waves crashing in my life?”

This morning I realized that I need to trust God for all the “inside” storms of my life and not just the outside ones. I need to trust Him with my heart and soul like I do with my physical body….

I’m pretty sure He cares more about my heart anyway.

Last year I took the plunge and decided to participate in OneWord365. It really helped me to look at decisions I was making through the lens of the word that I chose. I took risks in 2012 that were out of character and was stretched by that experience.

This year the word that keeps coming to my heart and mind is “Anticipate”.

Anticipate that God is going to do immeasurably more than I can imagine in my life. Anticipate that I will walk through life with purpose and passion. Anticipate that great things are ahead! Anticipate new friendships, new experiences, new challenges, new opportunities. Anticipate GREAT!

I need to challenge myself in this area. Even with my oh so sunny disposition, I tend to look for what can go wrong. I am a problem solver…which really means, I LOOK for problems to arise and plan ahead accordingly. (HA!)

My desire is to have a more positive outlook on life. To stop thinking that the worst is about to happen and to shut off the negative voices and replace them with life giving words and promises of God. That He has a plan to prosper me and not harm me, that no plan of His can be thwarted, that though the vision may seem slow in coming to fruition God has not forgotten me. I am taking the next 365 to be on the lookout for good in my life and anticipating the best in myself and in others.

How are you going to look at the next 365 in your life?

***HUGE thanks to Melanie at Only A Breath for the fun image up top of my one word! Check out her blog at Only A Breath

At the beginning of this year, I participated in OneWord365. My word for 2012 was “Connected”. You can see my goals for this past year here. As I look back at this year, overall, I think I do feel more connected.

I was able to travel back home several times this year and my relationships with family members are stronger than ever. I also feel that this year brought deeper friendships into my life and I took the plunge to introduce myself to people instead of being the wallflower that I am use to being. Online, I have also been more outgoing and taken part in more conversations.

My relationship with God has been growing. Its fun to be learning more and seeing ways I can grow and be a better example of God’s love. Books like “Greater” and “Love Does” have impacted me in a huge way this year and steered me in a good direction in life. God keeps shouting to me through Habakkuk that He’s not done with me and the vision for my life will happen!

Professionally I am excited that I’m coming more and more into my own as an editor and writer. Setting this blog up was a big step in taking writing seriously and going back to my roots of processing things I’m going through and learning. I also learned more about building real relationships with fellow youth ministers. Its been mind-blowing to be a part of youth ministry communities and to even have this little blog mentioned on various ministry lists.

As much as 2012 has been a year of growth, there is so much more growing to do and I really didn’t grow as much as I wanted to. This year was full of failures and shortcomings. Relationships that I wish were closer, goals professionally I wish I could reach, closeness to God that needs to be greater.

I’m learning daily that I just need to let go of yesterday and look at today with fresh eyes. I’m thankful for areas of growth and experiences to learn from. Looking forward to the next 365 and moving forward.

I, like many of you, have been floored by the news of the violence over the past week. Now, I’m not one to jump on bandwagons and I usually don’t write about this stuff…but as I listen to arguments all around on how we should respond to this situation, I see once again how divided we are as people. It breaks my heart to see us arguing about this or that being responsible. Bottom line…people are dead. Our arguments are not going to bring them back.

I have not been glued to the television, watching the news. I’ve stayed away for the most part because once I start watching news about a tragedy, I cannot stop. I seriously become obsessed.

As I think about the deaths that have occurred from this past week’s events of mass violence…I think back to the other occurrences this year. The one thing that keeps coming back to me is that the people that committed these violent acts were needing something more out of life. They were dissatisfied, lonely, at the end of their rope. It has been said that they had mental issues.

Does this mean that we need to be on the lookout for any person with a mental issue, believing they will hurt others? I don’t think so.

I believe the true root of the issue is that these people felt alone and misplaced. I believe if we each took the time to look around, we would be able to see hurt all around us. We would have the power to stop violence in its tracks. How? Taking the time to love those around us. That student in the hallways walking from class to class with their head down, all alone…go talk to them. Invite them to eat lunch with you and your friends. The girl in the office who stays at her desk and doesn’t engage with any of the co-workers…strike up a conversation. You never know how one small act of kindness could make someone’s day (or life).

If we each would step outside of ourselves and make sure that every person had a friend and felt cared for, I believe that violence would dramatically decrease. I’m so privileged to be a part of a movement called ACTIVATE. Our team goes into our public schools and let’s students know that they each can make a positive difference in this world. I hear from students after these events that they were thankful to finally hear from someone that they matter. As much as I love hearing that I’m part of helping these students see their potential, I’m also heartbroken that so many of our nation’s teenagers have never heard those words before. We all really need to step it up to make people feel like they matter.

I want to challenge you (and myself) to really be on the lookout for the hurting people around us. Take the time to get to know them and love on them. WE are the ones that can make a difference in this world to stop these senseless acts of violence.

Every day, trucks go up and down the streets of America picking up discarded items from households. Things that are no longer useful, broken items, stuff we just don’t want anymore. This “junk” gets hauled off and ends up in some landfill never to be seen again. Its easy to do this to our stuff. I love throwing things away and tend to feel a sense of relief as I purge unneeded items.

But what about people? Do we throw them away when they are too broken or we have no use for them?

Of course, we are going to say an emphatic “NO” to that question, but unfortunately I have seen the opposite to be true. I have seen conversations happening in the youth ministry world about how to handle a difficult student and have been shocked to see advice being given that leads to asking a student to leave a group if they cannot be controlled. In my life, I have a student I am close to who is currently on a downward spiral. To say the teenage years have been difficult is an understatement. He got involved with the church youth group and the youth leader was an adult he trusted. He has special needs and at first this person seemed to get him, but as he started connecting with the wrong crowd and his behavior reflected that, this youth leader made choices (including kicking him out of camp) that have ended up with a young man who is now angry with the church and says he doesn’t believe in God or what the bible says.

Matthew 18:12-14 — “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nice that didn’t wander away! In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish”

Jesus takes people seriously! If we want to do ministry as Jesus did, we can’t kick students out of our ministries. From what the above verses say to me is that we can’t even let them wander off without searching and searching for them until we find them! If a student has needs that you are personally not able to handle…find another adult volunteer to take the student under their wing. If you have a student or students that are special needs, look for a special educator in your congregation to either start volunteering in your group or to just ask advice on how to best meet the students’ needs. God has equipped and given life experiences to each and every one of us so we can in turn minister to others. We all have people that we can uniquely pour into, so there should be no reason that a person should be “thrown away”.

I have been as guilty of this as the next person and am so thankful that God gives second (and thousandth ) chances. Students need us to step up and be the best reflection of Christ that we can be. Time on this earth is short. We don’t know the impact of our words and actions on another person. I want my moments to count and put a positive footprint on someone’s life.

How have you ministered to the “difficult” students in your group?

This time of year, I become very nostalgic. Between my birthday and the end of the year, I enjoy the time to evaluate life, what I’m done throughout the year, what I need to do better and the things I’m thankful for.

When I heard about “The Great Friendship Blog”, I knew this would be the perfect chance to brag on my oldest friend who embodies true friendship to me.

Sonja and I were forced to meet in first grade. Our moms met the summer before and I was told to make sure to befriend Sonja on the first day of school since we were in the same class. Little did I know then, how much my life would change. Throughout elementary school, we had a blast…ruling the playground, getting in trouble for talking to much, competing to finish our math problems before the other to get computer time…quickly the teachers realized we could not be in the same class so from third grade our homerooms were different. We were in the same girl scout troop. She was there throughout my parent’s divorce and other junk from my childhood. We endured the middle school and high school years..even having our frenemy times. Dealt with first loves and first heartaches. Both of us got into the accelerated college program in high school, which led to lots of late night study (gossip) sessions around boxes of pizza. Eventually ended up graduating from the same college.

In those same experiences we also had our separate paths, but always found our common ground. We ran in different circles of people, but still had our circle that we came back to. Those years just scratch the surface of the memories that we share. She has seen every stage of my life, good and bad, and has enough dirt on me to keep me from a political career.

As adults, we aren’t a daily part of each others lives (outside of social media, texts, phone calls) but I am so thankful that she is still a person that calls me out on my junk, keeps me accountable and is just there to laugh, cry, and vent with. I’m so thankful that when we do get the rare opportunity to spend time together in person, its like nothing has really changed. Even with careers, families, responsibilities…the foundation of our friendship has stayed in tact. I am so grateful to have had the same friend for the past 30 years who is such a beautiful example of what friendship means.