Life is always changing – evolving. It’s easy to coast along, taking in the day-to-day, create moments, and then look back and discover that so much has changed in a short amount of time.
A month ago, I got a phone call. On the other end came words that changed my life. A stranger informed me that my dad had passed away earlier that day. When my dad was diagnosed with kidney failure a few years ago, there was always that knowledge in the back of my mind that our time was limited, but I was not ready to hear those words so soon.
I’m having difficulty putting into words my thoughts and emotions, but what I do know is that through this time, God has once again created an “altar moment” in my life. Here is what I’ve experienced and learned this month…
I have amazing friends:
Constant texts, phone calls from friends who hate talking on the phone, rallying people together to provide for my financial needs to take care of my dad’s final expenses, forcing me out of the house, game nights with lots of laughs, and dinners…all of these things (and I’m sure more I can’t think of) have proven to me that there are some amazing people in my life.
I am stronger than I think:
But it’s also okay for me to not always be strong. I can let others share the load, say “no,” and to break down at times.
God is close to the brokenhearted:
Throughout this month, I have experienced such grace. I have cried to God. I have been wrapped in a peace that I can’t explain. I have seen glimpses of how His plan is perfect even when we can’t understand it. This lesson has been so sweet to me because the last time I experienced a deep loss, I put a big wall up between myself and God. So being able to run to Him and trusting Him in this has been so helpful.
Grief is not cookie cutter:
Although there are books and support groups for grief that tell you about all these steps…I am learning that each circumstance is different. Everyone has a right to grieve in their own way and deal with their emotions in their own way and time. The “steps” are all over the place and come and go daily. Our journeys are all different.
It is so off to say that this time of my life…one of the hardest times in my life is being set up as an “altar moment,” but I truly see it as such. The lessons that I’m learning, the strength I’ve been given, the peace, and the way God has shown up has been nothing short of miraculous and something that I want to remember. To be able to notice these things in the midst of sadness is something I want to remember because it is so easy to be crippled by loss; to allow the devastation to get the best of you. I am thankful to know that it is possible that a person can know strength, peace, and joy in the midst of grief.
Have you learned lessons in unexpected places? I’d love to hear about it!