This season has been a struggle. More of a struggle than I imagined. I would even venture to say it’s been more difficult than the last. Being a task-oriented person, I am uncomfortable when all I can do in a situation is feel, and that is where I am. This has also been the season in the grieving process where life has moved on for the rest of the world (which it should), but in so many ways it hasn’t for me. That has been the underlying cause for my silence. In my stubbornness, I don’t want to reach out because I am exhausted, lonely, and generally feeling silly for still being sad.
The other night, in that still small voice down in my heart, I heard, “You know how you are longing for human contact and connection, that is only a fraction of how much I want to be connected with you.” I realized that in my sadness and inner focus, I’ve also left God behind in so many small ways.
Maybe you can relate. We tend to cry out to God in the really bad times and praise Him in the really good times, but in the normal day to day, it’s easy to let that relationship fade to the background. I think as with all relationships, it’s not always a dramatic choice we make in a moment, but it’s an accumulation of little hurts or little moments that go unnoticed until you turn around and see that the expanse between you two is great.
It was a good reminder to me that even when I don’t feel like it, I have to “check-in” with my relationships. When it comes to God, I can’t go days or weeks without purposefully investing in that relationship. As much as I cherish my in-person relationships… when I neglect my relationship with God, it is truly like neglecting the deepest part of myself and everything else is out of whack. If you are feeling out of line, take a look inside and see what needs to be put back in place.