This space has been quiet…too quiet. In so many ways, it truly represents where I’m at.
The past couple months have had some amazing moments, but there has been a shadow of sadness lingering. I know in my head that I have to allow myself to go through this process to fully embrace this new season in my life, but I want to shut out the hurt. I don’t want to let people know that dealing with loss is unbearable at times; that I have so many emotions running through me that the one I choose to embrace more often than not is numbness.
Yesterday, I went to see Inside Out. Ever since I heard that this movie was coming out, I’ve been obsessed with it. Little did I know the true impact it would have on me and speak to me during this time in life. Without wanting to be spoiler alert central, I was so moved by the message of how important all our emotions are. To be whole, we need to allow the not so desirable emotions in our lives to get to the good stuff.
Tomorrow is Father’s Day. My first Father’s Day not buying a card or making a phone call. Honestly, there have been a few times in the past couple weeks when I started to go look at the card aisle before realizing that I didn’t need to buy one. This holiday is only one of many that will be full of firsts this year. As these moments come, I want to be purposeful and embrace all that comes. I want to fight the temptation to be numb. I will try to allow the good feelings and bad intermingle.