Well sometimes my life just don’t make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small
So hold me Jesus ’cause I’m shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won’t You be my Prince of Peace
As these lyrics washed over me, the tears would not stop. This song came back into my life at just the right time.
Sunday, I walked into church alone…again. It was a fight within myself to go in the first place. Church is one place that is so difficult to enter as a “table of one.” I found my seat and as the service started, it turned out that I was the only one sitting in my row. The music starts and God’s presence is so palpable to me that it is taking up the other seats in the row. It’s like He’s letting me know that He longs to fill that place of loneliness for me. To be all that I long for. To trust that He knows what I truly need and believe that He will fulfill it. I can’t stop being grateful for those moments of getting just an “extra dose” of God’s presence.
Christmas is a time of anticipation. My pastor had talked about how before Jesus was born, God had not spoken to His people for 400 years. 400 YEARS! (Yikes…I get bummed after a few days of silence.) The point was that God wasn’t being silent just to be quiet. He was busy getting things ready for His biggest message to the world ever — the birth of Jesus.
Again, when we think things aren’t happening, we have no idea what is going on behind the scenes. I have a tendency to get wrapped up in what is not happening. Thinking those steps backward are because God is taking something away from me, or I’ve done something wrong, or that He doesn’t want me to succeed. (Yep, the downward spiral gets ugly) I struggle with keeping the faith that God is preparing me for something beyond my wildest imagination.
As this Christmas season comes to an end, I want to end it well. I want to have the spirit of anticipation that Mary and Joseph had. I want to chase after Jesus like the shepherds and wise men did. I want to have the faith that Mary did when she just said “yes” to God. Those extra doses of God’s presence serve as reminders that He is there…ALWAYS.
I pray that this Christmas is encouraging for you. That as the last present is unwrapped, the last piece of food is eaten, and the decorations are taken down, that you will reflect on just how God is always there for you even when you don’t feel it. And sometimes you get a special moment with Him when it’s needed most.